Archive for the ‘ humor ’ Category

My Sort of Valentine’s

To me, Valentine’s Day doesn’t mean as much as it used to, or least not as much as my girl thinks it should. Where I once used to see its magic, wonder and romance, all I see is rampant commercialism.

Just a few years ago, it used to be a one-day event. Now I hear they have decided to extend it to eight days, with seven days as Rose Day, Propose Day, Chocolate Day, Teddy Day, Promise Day, Kiss Day, and Hug Day respectively, leading onto the ultimate: Valentine’s Day.

If you ever had trouble choosing a gift between a chocolate, a teddy or a ring, well, you’re in luck because now there’s a day for each of those.

But I digress. This piece isn’t about gross commercialism of pop culture. Nor am I here to bash Valentine’s Day just because it’s “popular with the kids these days.” This is about a man’s submission to the powers beyond his control. This is about his struggle to survive in a world which, with each passing day, makes lesser and lesser sense to him. This is about my search for a Valentine’s Day gift.

I don’t remember what I got for her last year. You see, it was the first year of our relationship. It seems the whole year just went by giving gifts. Some to say “I care,” some to say “I love you” and some to say “I’m sorry.” Actually, mostly to say “I’m sorry!”

There was a time when I used to think that higher dimensional calculus was the most difficult thing I had ever faced. Back then, I never had to find gifts for anyone. I’m an engineer; I’m not built for this. And my habit of leaving everything to the very last minute doesn’t help, either. I tried to think of the subtle hints she dropped along the way, as women often do. There were several but all of them meant spending money. As it was against my New Year’s resolution to spend money, I skipped plans to buy stuff until I ran out of every other recourse.

I then thought about crafting. Why not build something out of things lying in and around the house? It adds a personal touch to the gift. I hear they value those things. Moreover, it adds more savings to my pocket. I tried to reach into myself looking for engineer’s creativity, and I found engineer’s laziness. Too much work, and did I tell you I waited till the very last minute?!

Something simple, then – how about randomly pinning up few of her pictures on the wall with cutout alphabets forming a sweet romantic message (“I L U” takes the least amount of effort). Oh! But that’s what I did for our anniversary. OK – don’t panic. How about I cook her something? And by cooking, I mean putting week-old, refrigerated raw edible item on a hot pan and heating it until just before it burns completely. I had already done that on her last birthday.

So, exhausted and out of ideas, I had to turn back to Almighty Money. For the past few months, she had repeatedly mentioned “ring” in our several conversations. Now don’t get any ideas. I’m still far away from wedding rings or engagement rings. Far, far away, very far.

But I’ve heard there’s something called a Promise Ring. The way I’ve understood is, if you feel an engagement ring is too much of a commitment, then give her a promise ring, which means “I promise I’ll give you an engagement ring… someday.” What an idea! Ingenious! But I’m such a commitment-phobe that I feel even a promise ring is too much of a commitment.

So I came up with the idea of I-swear ring, meaning “I swear I’ll give you a Promise Ring… someday.” Besides, she loves things beginning with “i” – her iPod, iPhone, iPad and her iDiot boyfriend, to name a few.

So I ordered a ring. It hasn’t arrived yet. But I have a funny feeling that I got her size wrong, which isn’t going to please her one bit. I give up! Anyone has any ideas for an “I’m Sorry” gift?

[Published in Republica, THE WEEK on 17th Feb 2012]

Best way to make a woman feel beautiful – Lying

- Sean Lock

About Something – Part 3

About Something – Part 1 … Texas is too damn large… so I haven’t met anyone!
About Something – Part 2 … Exams here are fun… but they make you do your own projects and homework,… which is difficult for me… coz I graduated from IOE!

Welcome to the third installment of my very own observations on life in America. This one’s about one of the “biggest” problems troubling this country – obesity. But where do I start?… Well, it actually started with – “Can I get that with extra cheese?” – but that’s not where I’ll start. I’ll start at a soccer game.

The ball was right there in front of me and the people I was playing against were no Messi – Hell, some of them almost looked like they’ve eaten Messi for dinner. So I tried to run for the ball but I felt as though something’s holding me back. It felt like I was running with a huge bag on my back – just like the way we used to do in our school days. So I looked around for the bag but there was none to be found. “Shit!”- it hit me – “I’m not carrying a bags weight!… I’ve eaten a bags weight!!”. I went out – Someone else came in my place – He started playing again – I started breathing again.

It was actually on a picnic. We had made two small teams and were playing against each other. But my mind was not in the game anymore. All this was bit troubling for me. So I went by the lake side – barbeque chicken drumstick in one hand – beer in the other – and started thinking – “How can I improve my health?!”

*     *     *     *     *

A friend of mine, flying high with weed and suffering with munchies, once asked me – “What is the purpose of life?” “What is true love?” “And why the f*** is that pizza taking so long for delivery?!!”. And I had one simple answer for all three – “Cheese”. OK that never happened but the point is I love cheese. Well, cheese and snickers. And I’m not the only one.

It still baffles me seeing people order at fast-food places. Biggest size burger with fried everything and cheese – and then they have the audacity to insist on “diet” coke. As if that’s going to fix it all. And ya, while we’re on the subject, if you want to have a healthy salad, try not to drown the lettuce in sour-cream and bury with cheese gratings.

*     *     *     *     *

So there I was contemplating all this when suddenly I realized my beer bottle was empty. Hesitant to get up and walk, I looked around lazily for someone who can pass me another beer. I noticed someone transferring roasted pork pieces from barbeque skewer to the plate. And just like how it all began, and hundreds of times after that, my heart went – “Can I get that with extra cheese?”


Haven’t eaten since yesterday
And I’m hungry as hell
Yet they talk about the food
In the chats and on the cell
Oh how mad it drives me
I can’t begin to tell
I can see all the flavors
And hear all the smell

Do you think it helps me
Does it satiate my hunger
When I’m trying to forget it
And wait a little longer
Listen up friends
If you wanna do some good
Next time I’m hungry
Please don’t talk about food!

Organizational Perspective

Career Path…….Wow! How True!

[Source: via abishadh @ twitter]

Lies! Lies!! Lies!!!

No lie: People Average 4 Fibs A Day

A new survey shows the average person tells four lies a day, or 1,460 a year for a total of 88,000 by the age of 60, and the most common is: “I’m fine.”

Others on the list include:

  • “Nice to see you”
  • “Sorry I missed your call”
  • “I’m stuck in traffic”
  • “Our server was down”
  • “The train was delayed”
  • “The check’s in the mail”
  • “I’ll phone you back in a minute”
  • “This tastes delicious”
  • “Of course I love you”

[ Full Article at: WorldNetDaily ]

Equation: The Difference Between Girls and Guys


Bohr’s Horseshoe

An American scientist once visited the offices of the great Nobel prize winning physicist, Niels Bohr, in Copenhagen. He was amazed to find that over Bohr’s desk was a horseshoe, securely nailed to the wall, with the open end up in the approved manner (so it would catch the good luck and not let it spill out).
The American said with a nervous laugh, “Surely you don’t believe the horseshoe will bring you good luck, do you, Professor Bohr? After all, as a scientist –”
Bohr chuckled.
“I believe no such thing, my good friend. Not at all. I am scarcely likely to believe in such foolish nonsense. However, I am told that a horseshoe will bring you good luck whether you believe in it or not.”


Life Sucks

The best things in life are either illegal, fattening or seeing someone else!