Archive for the ‘ introspection ’ Category

… Heard Inside My Head…

… here i am wondering at 3am – am i going crazy because i’m sleepless or am i sleepless because i’m crazy… ?

… Heard Inside My Head…

I used to think deleting games from my computer would be the hardest part. Little did I know it’s so much more difficult to delete things from my head.

… Heard Inside My Head…

Somewhere deep down I am hopelessly romantic – it’s just that only the hopeless part makes it to the surface.

… Heard Inside My Head…

I’m not gonna marry the girl I fall in love with. You’re kidding me?! Married life with me!?! I can’t put someone I love through that torture!

I think as a token of my love I should help her find a nice guy and get them married.

And I should instead find a selfish, arrogant, mean and stubborn girl, marry her and spend rest of my life making her life miserable!!

Sounds like a plan.

My Zombie Wedding (Based on a True Nightmare)

Yesterday I dreamt about a zombie invasion… and about my wedding… and the zombie invasion was lesser scary. Seriously.

First I was somehow coaxed into a wedding and I hadn’t even seen the bride. WTF right? Exactly! Hell I don’t even know when it turned from a casual chat with my buddies into a wedding – but dreams are like that. Everyone around me were busy, doing whatever people have to do at weddings, and there I was, absolutely petrified. All I could think was “What if she’s ugly!?!”

There were a couple of other things going through my mind that I can’t mention here but that’s beside the point. And ya, for some odd reason I was really interested to know whether or not this particular girl was invited to the wedding whom I once had a huge crush on.

Anyway, I don’t know what happened next but after a while the whole dream turned into a zombie invasion. Maybe my prayers were answered – I don’t know, but boy was I glad that there was no wedding anymore. These zombies were really slow and not that strong, and there were a lot of people on my side. So it was basically a walk in a park – a pleasant turn of event after that dreaded wedding.

Don’t remember much after that. Later I woke up to find out Germany had a little nightmare of their own in the World Cup against Serbia. Not surprising for the second youngest team in the tournament.

But this is what’s bothering me – I’d rather look at an ugly zombie than an ugly girl!… really tells you just how superficial I am!!

~ by a guy who fears commitment more than he fears zombies

One Late Night At 6 AM

Am I evil?
Is that why I cannot sleep?
Or is it because of the pain and despair,
Trapped and I can’t weep.
I tell myself I’m right
Coz in the mirror,
I can meet myself in the eyes.
Or maybe I’ve become so delusional
That I’m believing my own lies.
But I ask you -
Is it so selfish to look out for yourself,
When you’ve done all the good,
And the Gods have been of no help.
Do good and good you’ll receive, they said,
And blindly, I followed their way,
There’ll be trouble along the path, they said,
But everyone will have their day.
I waited for my day to come,
But the fate skipped my turn.
Now, I’m taking my fate on my own hands,
Let the world burn.
I took a shot at being good,
It was never meant for me.
If evil gets me what I want,
Then it’s evil I shall be.

A Walk In The Rain

It’s middle of the day, office hour. I am in office, working… or at least pretending. It’s raining outside. I just locked my computer, got up and went for a stroll around the block… And I’ve never felt better.

I was talking to a very close friend of mine, a fellow Libran I might add. I was telling him about the rain – how depressing it’s making me feel. My exact words – “It’s raining outside and I’m feeling the same inside”. His reply – “Librans are always senti when it rains”. It’s like it washes away the disguise and the pretense and leaves me with exactly how I’m feeling.

Something’s suddenly snapped inside and I just got up and walked. I didn’t know where I was going and for once, I didn’t care. It felt good. I’ve always loved the feel of raindrops on my face. For a moment I just wanted to keep walking and never turn back. And now that I’m back I don’t recall anything this worthwhile I did for myself in a long long time.

In this life, where each of our actions are judged by others and ourselves alike – where we need to think and rethink a millions times before doing or saying anything, until the passion dies away and nothing seems worth doing anymore – it felt good to just listen to my heart for once.

——————————————————————————————————————

(The following beautiful lines are from a girl who claims she hates to be out on the rain… the content, however, is quite contrary to that :D . Anyway, I absolutely loved the lines and the fact that she attributes my writing for its inspiration… :) )

“From the infinity, falling in drops, so pure, so innocent

Unaware of anything,

You fall upon me, land on my head, slide over my face and through my eyes

You make me equally pure as you are, you make me feel me and let that one moment be free… that one moment be mine.”

- Nite_Lite

Wanted: I-20, RA, Salary Raise, Woofer, etc., ……… & My Lost Dignity

As I sit here trying to make sense of it all, I realize that this could take a little time.

It’s been a while, well a little more than a week, since I posted anything here, and this is not how I pictured my next post to be. And ya, it has nothing to do with college applications, or my job, or my obsession with music. It’s about misplacing your priorities and being taken for granted.

You never stop learning. The moment you think you know it all, you’re the biggest stupid there is. Trust me I’ve been one many times. Sometimes I even wonder if I’m getting dumber each day. Or maybe just delusional or simply complacent. Whatever it is I feel as if I’ve snapped out of it. Don’t know how long it’s gonna last though.

We often have to make many sacrifices for others; nothing wrong with that. I believe in destiny; following your heart. When you truly want something in your life you’ve got to give it all you’ve got. Give it your all, but not your dignity.

I don’t have the answers. I don’t know what I’m going to do tomorrow. But I know that the first thing you need to do, the moment you’ve realized that you’ve dug yourself into a hole, is stop digging.

Lastly,……… “You don’t do that to friends…… you just don’t.”

Final Analysis

I analyze a lot. Everything. All the time. And all I got out of it is tired. Maybe this isn’t how it’s supposed to be, maybe it’s not how we’re supposed to live. Then again, maybe I’m getting myself into yet another analysis…

Don’t think too much; you’ll start to doubt everything. Just listen to your heart. Say what you want to say, write what you want to write… sing all you want to sing.

Savour each moment… each feeling… feel and feel alive. Don’t judge… understand others… and most importantly yourself.

I’ve never laughed in vain, never shed a tear in vain. Vanity is for those who seek something in the end. All that is there to see, all that is there to feel, it’s all in the moments.

A smile can change a night into a day and a simple line can change a day into a night. I know in the long run it’s all in vain but I seek my meanings in the moments in between.

There's Heaven Around Me And Hell Within

There are people who wish they could hear what goes inside other people’s head… I wish I could stop hearing what goes inside mine.

There’s heaven around me and hell within. I guess it’s the same with most of us. I believe we are the reason we are complaining.

I want to turn deaf ear to these doubts, these premonitions. I want to hear that laughter, that voice… unfiltered… straight from my ears to my heart. For once, I want to be happy for all that I’ve got and not worry about all that I could lose.

 

… … I’m listening to “Wonderful World” by Louis Armstrong… for 37th time tonight.